The object of skiing is to lean so far over you send up a spray of lace-like water. Or fall off...
How to do a beach start.
 1. Stand in calf deep water on a river's edge.
2. In one hand, take a few coils of slack rope.
3. Lift one ski up in front of you so it is resting on top of the water.
4. Remain standing on one leg while the boat driver puts on sun-cream, shirt, hat - and finally decides to line the boat up straight.
5. This is your cue to yell 'HIT IT' at the top of your voice.
6. The boat takes off at full speed. One of two options will now occur.
a) If you take too much slack rope you get jerked forward at a flying 30 knots to land face first into the water. When you surface, it is a good idea to check your arms are still attached.
b) If you take too little slack the following occurs: The boat takes off. You sink like a stone.
Both options are extremely wet and provide an excellent way to wake up.
It is important to note that there appears to be no Option 3 - i.e. a happy compromise
between sinking and getting your arms ripped off, no matter how many variations of rope and slack you try.
Repeat the beach start process until you got so frustrated that:-
a) you run out of swear words
b) the water starts to boil around you
c) your arms are five centimeters longer
d) you give up and do a deep water start. (Much to the boat crew's relief.)
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Once you are actually water skiing, the object is to grin a lot and lean so far over at an angle that you send up a spray of lace-like
water.
Or fall off.
In which case, repeat all of the above steps again.
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NOTE: For the parents among you, it is vital to ignore any of your children who wander down
to the shore for the next ski, grab a bit of rope, nod to the driver and somehow manage to do a beach start with a minimum of effort and without getting even their knees wet.
Do not stop feeding them just for revenge.
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