How to Write Top Tension Scenes

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Imagine a birthday party, a top restaurant, friends and family - and a massive earthquake Earthquake!that ends in disaster.

Before: Here's the starting point by a 9 year old boy.

We were having fun in the restaurant when suddenly the ground started to shake. I didn't believe it. Then glasses started to break all over my plate. My sister tried to stand up, she was afraid. The ground was trembling, there was noise everywhere...

Tension scenes are one of the hardest parts of a story to write. Students often make them too basic and short. Why? Well, we say 'write what you know', but kids don't have enough 'emotional experience' to imagine this sort of thing.

However, other people do - and their words are all in a dictionary or thesaurus.

So, suggest this. Get students to underline key words in the story - and then use a thesaurus to help bring the scene alive. You can do this BEFORE students write as well. Just ask, 'what are the things which will happen?' and make a list for them to use. This is a great scaffolding technique to support beginning writers.

e.g.

  • fun - delight, enjoyment, amused, teasing, laughing, happy
  • shake - shudder, shiver, quake, quiver, buzzing, tremor
  • break - crumble, disintegrate, collapse, crush, shatter
  • afraid - troubled, scared, fearful, terrified, panicked
  • tremble - quiver, shudder, beat, vibrate, grind

The idea is NOT to merely substitute one word for another. It is to give a greater variety of words/inspiration/ideas to the student - and let their subconscious do the melding.

After:

The waiter smiled as he put down a hot chocolate pudding right in front of me.
'You're not going to eat all that!' said my Dad. 'Here, I'll help!' He reached across with his spoon, he was always teasing me. I pulled my plate away fast. Everyone laughed.
'Just a little bit,' Dad begged.
I shook my head. It was weird, but there was a strange buzzing sound as if everything was not quite real. I lifted my spoon, my hands felt like they were shivering. Or was it really the floor shaking? It wasn't possible, but now all the glasses were starting to clink. Suddenly one fell, shattering glass across my hands and pudding. Then the noise hit me, harsh, grinding, vibrating right into my brain...

Get the idea? See how the word 'fun' has turned into something more specific - teasing and Dad trying to steal chocolate pudding. A simple 'shake' now has triggered 'shivering' and a 'buzzing' in the head. Best of all look at that last line; the words suggested from 'tremble' have now made this incredibly evocative and powerful.

If you want rich writing, give kids plenty of rich ingredients to work with!

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